.:*Simply.Eclectic*:.

I’ll admit it. These past few weeks haven’t been all that great. I mean it hasn’t been all stressed, pressed and feeling defenseless…..but it hasn’t been all peaches and cream as well. Wasn’t in the holiday spirit even when Thanksgiving rolled around. I was just kind of down. So, once I started hearing the Christmas carols jumping enough spots to start being in heavy rotation in the stores I REALLY wasn’t feeling it.

This year has just had so many twists and turns. More than any of the other 25 years that have rolled on by for sure. Every time my mind trips back to January I can’t help but admit that life was wildly different than it is in the present. So different that the past is virtually unrecognizable….and still changing at this very moment.

Here we are at the end of Christmas Eve and, as this is posting, will be the beginning of another Christmas Day. Except for the kids, most everyone has a feeling of mixed emotions this year. The hovering question of whether the whole hype of 2012 is going to come to pass (no matter what you offhandedly say aloud). Who’s not going to be here next year before we even get to that point in time. Just anxiety about the uncertainty. But at the very least…..hope.

Surprisingly, my jadedness over this holiday has subsided.I wasn’t in the holiday spirit but in the darkest hour, something touched me to lead me down this road. It happens when you least expect it. It’s like a bug when it spreads. It’s infectious. I dropped a lot of old issues a few weeks ago and now, tonight, everything is right in my world. Everything isn’t perfect-and that’s fine. No ne

There are three key moments concerning the forming of The Usual Suspects (aka “The Crew” ) that stick out in my mind. The first one being at the start of the summer season. One scorchingly hot day, I found myself driving to an unfamiliar apartment complex to meet the Homecoming King. Mind you I don’t know this guy from Adam and only talked to him through text at that point. I know it sounds absurd….going to meet a complete stranger by myself. That was exactly the reason why I didn’t tell anyone until *after* it was over. Second key moment came in July. That was when me and Ivory started to hang out hardcore. Everyday it was a new adventure with a new story to tell. The third and final moment is the most crucial. I remember vividly standing outside of Ivory and I’s favorite club and enjoying a cigarette. I was mildly bored and just halfway listening to all the conversations that swirled around me. I remember absentmindedly glancing to my right and double taking. I spied the Homecoming King in the line. That night is where it all began.….

And then there were three. Three being three pairs of two people just hanging out with one person instead of the usual 6 deep entourage.

The fast and the furious. Everything was simple at a point in time. A group of 20 somethings, all from different walks of life, that all had a few of the same interests and we all seemed to like each other. Had some good times too. Out on the town and just chill nights indoors. Surprisingly, our defining moment was actually just one of the many movie nights we had together….just hanging out and watching “Pet Sematary”.

However, sometime around Halloween something went wrong and the days of being a relatively drama free cohesive unit were numbered.

The beginning of the end came on a holiday. The definite kick off came as the result of a fist fight…..and the deterioration hasn’t stopped since.

Sharing. Supposed jealousy. Sex. Misunderstandings. Excessive drinking. Ego. Late nights. Miscommunication. Assumptions. Fights. Change in attitudes. Differences of opinion. Mixed signals. In hindsight some, if not all, of these things (plus a few more) have played a part as to why The Usual Suspects have splintered. If everyone refuses to acknowledge it then I will. It’s truly hard to say if things will ever be how they used to be. Judging by how things are now….it doesn’t look too good.

Either way, the good times were awesome while they lasted. Just wish everything could’ve turned out wildly different than what they did.

Who knows…maybe one day there could be a Part 2.

It’s a lovely, bright day right now. The sun is shining, it’s not freezing cold and the sky is just oh so clear. It’s the type of day that brings epiphanies. So when I woke up this morning and didn’t feel horrible or in a down mood I had a major one. I was still sort of drunk when I woke up this morning and one of the positive things that being pleasantly drunk during the day is that it gets the mind wheel to turning.

Everything that has been bothering me for the last few months, I have subconsciously let it go today and once I did that I felt that metaphorical weight on my shoulders just melt away. I’ve had enough of things just slowly eating away at my soul day after day and it’s just time to live and let live. Anyone that has hurt me in the past, I truly have forgiven them today because it’s just not worth giving energy to those situations anymore. The days are flying by at a remarkably fast pace and life is way too short to hold on to past grievances.

A couple of days ago I went in my head over things that have happened and have been bothering me and I came to the conclusion (then) that I was a horrible person. I almost devoted an entire blog to it a few days ago because those thoughts took up so much mindspace. I just really examined everything today and I know that I need to work on myself. Because no matter what happened in certain situations that hurt me in the course of the year, it wasn’t all the other persons fault. I had a part in it as well. 

All of this self work is really a way of me making amends for things. I, personally, don’t have much time left. That’s not some philosophical thing….on the real, my health has been on a steady decline for quite some time now. I don’t need a doctor to tell me the deal: I know how my body has been feeling and the clock is ticking. But I’m not sad about what’s happening especially given how these last few months have been going.

I’ve had more fun in the last year than I ever have in my life.There are a few things that I would change but overall it’s been awesome. I’ve been adventurous. I’ve been bold. I’ve been wild. I’ve taken risks. I’ve faced adversity. I’ve given back. I’ve even been a successful matchmaker! :)

I can honestly say this year I’ve never felt so *alive* and vibrant. I’ve cherished each day and the people who have made those days what they were. Besides the end result of the future that I actually know is coming, I can’t wait to see what the other days has to bring. It makes for good blogs to come. :)

‘X’ is for ‘xenagogue’.

“How do we get there?”

“Where is [particular destination]?”

*sighing* “Follow me….”

Seems like hardly any of my friends have a sense of direction…even if they have been living here for years. Guess who had to take the reigns and guide all those scores of lost puppies? *Big laughter* Nah…it wasn’t like that (entirely) but no one ever seems to know exactly where we’re going or how to get there and I usually did. I’m used to it at this point though. I figured those military skills had to kick in sometime and they did at exactly the right time. If not…we would’ve been lost a whole lot!

‘Y’ is for ‘yummy’.

Short but simple explanation. The food. The drinks. The adventures. The people.

Silly or stupid as it sounds…..it was all just….yummy. :)

‘Z’ is for ‘Zero hour’.

Here we are eight days away from the start of November. Pretty much fult tilt into Fall as it is. I’ve been sad that it’s fall (or to see the oncoming of fall) since the end of August. *Haha!*

Not to say that fun can’t be had in the colder months. But we all know that the most fun is had when the mercury shoots up to the top of the thermometer. 

Time to reset.